I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
