You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
