there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My liver just had a heart attack.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize