It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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