He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
