Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
