did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
