I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
