Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
