I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
