your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
