You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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