I seem to have left my pride at pride
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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