SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
