JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
