Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
