so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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