I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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