Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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