saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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