did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
