i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
