I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
