I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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