Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
