I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
