so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
