so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
