I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were trust falling into bushes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
