can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
