1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
