I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
