? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she woke up with a sticky ear
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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