Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im holly from the hills drunk
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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