my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
