I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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