And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
BRING THE BAGELS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
