Got a toothbrush?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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