I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
