i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
