I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
