you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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