We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize