I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
