I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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