Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
