im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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