Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
