To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
