I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I FOUND THE LEGS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
