whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
