I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
