I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
