So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
