what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
