She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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