you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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