I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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