just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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