I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
