his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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