oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
