I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
