Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
