Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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