Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
