I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
