I think my vagina is haunted
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize