Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
