My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
