Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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