he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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