Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
