after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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