He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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