No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
